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Deviant for 10 Years
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They say chocolate is an aphrodisiac. They say the same of loneliness. So you put the two together and what do you get?
An uneasy feeling in the stomach, an oily hand and an under-stimulated mind... Also known as nowhere.
Usually, in my case, some art, as well... But I'm way too tired to even think about starting anything, on any medium but a melancholy DA journal entry.

Being midnight, I guess I could sleep but fuck that, it's my day off, tomorrow! I get to sleep in... Contemplate all the exiting possibilities of the day, when I eventually do get up. In all probability, before 10am.

All the exiting possibilities one can do on their own. One who knows too many people who like to have stacked social lives and plan things ahead... Too many. I still think I can count my social circle on one hand. Can't remember a time I couldn't. It fucking sucks some times but then again, I am the one that put myself here, I was the one who chose all those choices that led me to this point. To talking to a keyboard, again. I just keep coming back to it... I guess it could be worse. I could be eating the lindt truffles, only a foot from where I lay.

The truffles I stole. It's such a dangerous game. Not getting caught, that's just a moral dilemma, it's the damage it does to your mental state, that worries me. I use to have an excuse, an effective deterrent to keep the sweet shit out of my room. I have expensive taste and don't have the funds to indulge too often... But when it's free, it really does get dangerous.

You sit, you're frustrated and alone and when there's not even the price tag to deter you and with such instant gratification, it is dangerous. Not just for the health risk. The stomach pain, the horrible weak feeling of binging on chocolate and the aftermath, the shitty empty, energy dissolving, aftermath. You really forget what it's like, after a year or two of treating your body right... Then there's the mental health risk..

How unhealthy it really is to sit alone and feel amazing, only because you're stuffing your face with, in all definitions, a drug. Dopamine city, like a fucking orgy in your pleasure centre! Then as soon as it's over, the come down.

It's probably not that healthy that I get an insane crash after I come home from social events, either. I'm usually still in the car, not halfway down the street as it happens!

And the keyboard loses it's appeal. Unlike my gratefulness for piracy and cartoons.
Goodnight, internet.
If you were to leave
Say goodbye
If you left those footprints
A trail out of my life
I'd be fine, yeah, I'd survive
Like the 25 years I've been alive

Just don't look back

'Cause a glance to a stair
Is a spark to a blaze
And the fire in your eyes
Takes a shot to my chest
And the hooks they embed

Like a lightning strike...

As it slides up the back of my throat
to the base of my skull
And I have my resolve
But I'm back on my knees

Begging for a fix...

Of this beautiful creature
An addictive elixir
Laced in seduction
Contorting and gliding
Through waves of my conscience
An itch...

Oh, I'd survive
If your stair stayed far from my eyes
Yeah I'd be fine
As long as your lips stayed far...
Far, from mine

'Cause you suck me in
Your saliva's addiction
An itch, I don't have the means to resist
An itch
Only you can scratch
An itch
I got a back load of such, that I didn't think to post 'till the last few days...
This is some of that such.

The recording, now with added guitar AND clown!!
Wondering through a cloud
Of excitement
A little nervous
Feels more like indifference
As they say...

Out of site, out of mind
'till you're not
And the gloves come off
My defences crushed

I guess this face
Is a little jaded
Because this smile
Was only ever painted
And never meant
For occasions
Such as this

Out of site, out of mind
'till you're not
And the gloves come off
My hands tied
To the words, in my shirt
Past the skin, past the bones
In a cage
Of resolve

I could have stayed at home
I had smoked chicken wings
And turned off the phone
But what's life
Without a little salt
And some wounds

Out of site, out of mind
But you're not
And the gloves come off
My hands washed
Of resolve
Was it that, that you wrote
On the bag, that I left
I guess...

It slipped my mind
I was pre-occupied
My mind was some place else
Somewhere inside my chest
Out of mind
Resolutions and resolve.
For the audio/visual experience....…
I'm staring at these words
Clawing at these syllables
A linguist in lust with the page
Just another way for me
To escape

Familiar friends
That come to talk
Familiar feelings
That just won't rot
If you listen closely
To my heart beat
You'll hear a beast
Begging to be free

Desperately searching
For a pulse
Against these strings
To have and hold

If you listen closely
To my heart beat
You'll hear a beast
Begging to be freed

Begin to murmur
Begin to creak
Against the floorboards
Inside of me

You'll hear a murmur
A muffled scream
Shrill enough to
Curdle blood
and set this beast free


toonaimiak's Profile Picture
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
I'm artistic... And shit.

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zraclooc Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2015
zraclooc Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2014
zraclooc Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2013
Nikkoisrad Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2013  Professional Traditional Artist
toonaimiak Featured By Owner May 29, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Nikkoisrad Featured By Owner May 30, 2013  Professional Traditional Artist
*shanks and runs*
toonaimiak Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
*squirts blood in your eyes*
(2 Replies)
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