They say chocolate is an aphrodisiac. They say the same of loneliness. So you put the two together and what do you get?
An uneasy feeling in the stomach, an oily hand and an under-stimulated mind... Also known as nowhere.
Usually, in my case, some art, as well... But I'm way too tired to even think about starting anything, on any medium but a melancholy DA journal entry.
Being midnight, I guess I could sleep but fuck that, it's my day off, tomorrow! I get to sleep in... Contemplate all the exiting possibilities of the day, when I eventually do get up. In all probability, before 10am.
All the exiting possibilities one can do on their own. One who knows too many people who like to have stacked social lives and plan things ahead... Too many. I still think I can count my social circle on one hand. Can't remember a time I couldn't. It fucking sucks some times but then again, I am the one that put myself here, I was the one who chose all those choices that led me to this point. To talking to a keyboard, again. I just keep coming back to it... I guess it could be worse. I could be eating the lindt truffles, only a foot from where I lay.
The truffles I stole. It's such a dangerous game. Not getting caught, that's just a moral dilemma, it's the damage it does to your mental state, that worries me. I use to have an excuse, an effective deterrent to keep the sweet shit out of my room. I have expensive taste and don't have the funds to indulge too often... But when it's free, it really does get dangerous.
You sit, you're frustrated and alone and when there's not even the price tag to deter you and with such instant gratification, it is dangerous. Not just for the health risk. The stomach pain, the horrible weak feeling of binging on chocolate and the aftermath, the shitty empty, energy dissolving, aftermath. You really forget what it's like, after a year or two of treating your body right... Then there's the mental health risk..
How unhealthy it really is to sit alone and feel amazing, only because you're stuffing your face with, in all definitions, a drug. Dopamine city, like a fucking orgy in your pleasure centre! Then as soon as it's over, the come down.
It's probably not that healthy that I get an insane crash after I come home from social events, either. I'm usually still in the car, not halfway down the street as it happens!
And the keyboard loses it's appeal. Unlike my gratefulness for piracy and cartoons.